Why Modern Dating Makes Mij Want To Punch Myself Te The Mouth, Thought Catalog
Spil a 22-year-old single woman I’m pretty much living te the thickest part of the modern hookup culture – perfecting the kunst of getting the right boy to buy you a drink at a drankbuffet, crafting the volmaakt response to a text to make you seem just interested enough, taking the zindelijk five seconds to adequately judge a person and determine whether or not to swipe left or right on Tinder. That’s the world I live ter now and I have to confess: I hate it with every fiber of my being.
Maybe it’s because I let insignificant events ruminate ter my mind far past their welcome. Or maybe it’s because I react too sensitively to the people with whom I share the world. Or maybe the modern dating toneel is just horrendously fucked up. It’s most likely all three, but te the rente of, well, maintaining your rente, let’s just talk about that third observation.
While I wasgoed ter a relationship, I heard people complain about the single life all of the time. Stories from my friends, articles on the Internet, anything popular on television, it’s everywhere. But it wasn’t until I began to practice it for myself that I truly understood what everyone wasgoed complaining about. Everything is so damn complicated. Nobody asks you out on a date, they just ask you to dangle out – so after you do, you can spend the next three days that you’re supposed to be disregarding them wondering exactly what it meant. Did you see a movie? Go to dinner? Have hook-up te your car? Fly to Paris and get inebriated under the Eiffel Tower? Be careful, you guys were just dangling out. It wasgoed just casual, right? I don’t know, I wonder what he’s thinking. What did our car lovemaking mean to him? I have a ordinary solution for those of you who fight with thesis haunting questions: ask the other person. Oh wait, you can’t. Hahaha. And here’s why.
Wij live te a world where people are afraid to feel anything genuine, or at the very least, are afraid to vertoning it. When someone is angry with you, there’s no phone call asking to talk about it. Instead you get a passive aggressive response to a text message or a suspiciously relevant subtweet, calmly calling you out te 140 characters or less. If you like someone, you don’t tell them how you feel, rather you act interested enough for them to pick up on it, but not enough to weirdo them out. Don’t like it? Too bad. It’s all a big spel and if you don’t play by the rules then you lose, and if you lose you end up alone and drowning ter a pile of your own insecurity, wondering what you did wrong.
Don’t ask to hangout two nights ter a row. If you texted very first last time, you have to wait for him to text you very first this time. Don’t dual text. You can’t assume anything is more than casual, even if you’re having lovemaking. But you can’t talk about it either. If you’re wondering where a relationship is going and you determine to bring it up, every word you say has to be cautiously chosen so spil to seem okay with any response you’re given, even if you’re not. Everything is done through texting. It’s weird to call someone te the modern world just to have a conversation or attempt to make plans, so we’re compelled to wait anxiously for a response that might not everzwijn come.
Everything is calculated to show up thoughtless, and it is one of the most tiresome games I’ve everzwijn had to play. I could earn my masters degree with the amount of time and energy it takes to determine whether or not my casual hookup actually has feelings for mij.
If I like someone, I want to dangle out with him. It’s spil ordinary spil that. Or at least it should be. But ter the dating culture to which wij are enslaved, it has to be more convoluted than that. If I talk to him too much, I’m needy. If I’m always free when he asks mij to hangout, I’m clingy and have no life of my own. If he takes three hours to react to my text, and my phone is te my arm when I get his reply, I have to wait to reaction so I don’t seem too impatient. And I am permanently wondering why I play thesis stupid games.
Why can’t I call someone because I like talking to him? Why does demonstrating I care make mij needy? If I act angry when a man blows mij off, I’m just a crazy bitch, so my only other option is to complain to my friends and wade ter anxiety until he eventually texts mij back. And let mij tell you something, I don’t want to be that female. I don’t want anyone to have that power overheen mij. No one should have that zuigeling of power overheen anyone. I am so tired of living ter a world where apathy is more effective te getting someone’s attention than honesty. I’m tired of the manipulative games that boys and women play with one another te an effort to maintain control te a relationship that we’re not permitted to define.
So here’s my idea: let’s all zekering being little fucks. Respect other people enough to tell them the truth. If someone makes you blessed, tell them. If someone inspires you, tell them. If you’re not interested te someone, please just fucking tell them. Don’t disregard people until they vanish. It’s time wij grow up and zekering leaving people suspending with unanswered texts and cryptic social media posts. Everyone is human and we’re all just attempting to understand one another te this messy dating world, so zekering treating a relationship of any zuigeling like it’s a challenge to accomplish. Be fair with other people about how you feel, and don’t get so lost ter playing the spel that you leave behind to extend that same courtesy to yourself.
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