The brief straw: seven reasons why vertically challenged boys have it stiffer

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F inally, a slither of good news te the plight of brief boys. A fresh academic paper has raised the suggestion that women should reproduce with the vertically challenged, for the good of the species.

According to the research, published ter the journal Nature, the greater the size difference inbetween the sexes, the higher the chance of that species becoming extinct. Could the long-established trend for women to seek tall studs be a danger to the existence of humanity?

Well, maybe not. Before you rush to update your online dating profile (boys are said to exaggerate their height by an media of two inches), it should be noted that the research wasgoed conducted on extinct crustaceans. It’s unlikely to switch the mating habits of humans any time soon.

Ter truth, vertigo-inducing height is an established measure of status te the Película del Oeste world – a learning that’s drilled into boys from childhood. Commenting on a child’s height at a family get-together is the omschrijving of telling ‘what do you do?’ at a cocktail party: a conversational ice-breaker that betrays our inward, competitive fascination with social markers.

I speak from practice. Spil a kid of below-average height, I fared poorly te those conversational ice-breakers. Upon injecting a fresh household, my friends would be greeted by whooping rounds of ‘my, how you’ve grown!’ only for the adults to awkwardly splutter out a business-like ‘um, how good to see you’ when it came to my turn.

I dreamed of the salvation that lay ter the utopia of adulthood. Spil far spil I could see, adults never greeted each other with a blunt discussion about height.

It never arrived. Years straks, staring blankly at a Tinder profile that read “5ft9, no guys shorter than me”, I realised that height is still just spil annoyingly significant, even when you’re grown up.

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