Benching is the fresh dating term you need to know about – even more annoying than ghosting, Ondergrondse News
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Oh hey. Recall when the world eventually came up with the term ‘ghosting’, and wij ultimately had a way to describe all the dates that had disappeared from our lives?
It wasgoed fine. Wij had a shorthand for our anguish. What a wonderful time to be alive, wij said, sobbing into a plate of nachos after another failed relationship.
Well, good news: there’s a fresh way to describe all the massive d*ckheads te your life.
According to Fresh York Magazine’s Beta Masculine, ‘benching’ is the fresh dating term you need to know about.
Benching is when someone you’re interested ter stops actually stringing up out with you or committing to dates, but resumes to text, tweet, or snapchat you.
Think of playing team sports. When you’re benched, you’re not actually playing. But you’re still on the team, ready and waiting for when the coach determines to bring you back into play.
It’s also known spil being kept on the hook, left on backburner, or simply being led on.
It’s the worst, because there’s no way to have a clean pauze or stir on. Just when you’re providing up, you’ll get a noncommital but flirty text.
They’ll make the ondergrens effort required to keep you spil an available option – which often means no face-to-face voeling, just frequent texts about plans to meet up that never end up happening.
Dating experts Selina and Vicki of Project Love – an online course that helps you totally switch how you think about love and dating – explained to ondergrondse.co.uk that online dating has helped benching become more common than everzwijn before.
‘Online dating has made it lighter than everzwijn to bench people,’ say Selina and Vicki.
‘We can send a nice message and keep people interested with a few taps of the thumbs.
‘It requires ondergrens effort (and commitment!) from the bencher and keeps options open with the benchees.’
Which makes sense – and explains why stories of benching feel so ordinario.
But why do people bench potential dates rather than just cutting things off, or even just ghosting? Selina and Vicki told us it’s all down to choice.
‘We have more dating choice than everzwijn before, but it’s actually more of a hindrance than a help spil too much choice overwhelms us and makes it firmer to make a decision.
‘We keep our options open because wij don’t want to risk making the wrong choice.
‘Even when wij do choose and commit to a date, te the back of our mind is the notion that someone better could be out there.’
And so, no matter who we’re interested ter, wij don’t want to fully commit te case something better comes along. But wij don’t want to cut things off either, ter case wij end up alone.
Wij totally get why benching is happening more and more. But it’s still so deeply frustrating and disappointing to be benched, especially when it’s by someone you truly like.
If you do suspect you’re being benched – and you’ll be able to tell if the IRL meetups become less frequent, texts go unanswered, but they’ll all of a sudden get te touch just spil you’re about to give up – Selina and Vicki have some advice.
‘If you suspect that you’re being benched, then suggest a coffee date spil quickly spil you can.
‘If they can’t commit to that, then don’t take the bait the next time they get ter touch. Budge on to someone who can.’