Online Dating: Why it Should Work and The Reasons it Doesn’t
Somehow, te the past few years, online dating has become acceptable to the masses. What wasgoed merienda only for the ugly, the old, the fat, and the socially awkward now has its grips on the youthful, good-looking, and talented portion of the population. It’s spil if society spil a entire determined to gulp its pride and set up a profile. Of course, society doesn’t want to seem desperate, so its profile still contains disclaimers such spil “I’m truly skeptical about this” or “I’m just too busy to meet people.” But wij already get everything else wij want online — news, goods, degrees, jobs — so why not people?
I suppose it makes sense when you look at what direction our society has bot moving te. The number of women te the work force proceeds to rise. Technology ter universal has exploded. People are staying single longer, but there’s still that hint of anxiety because they haven’t lodged down yet—Better hurry, or all the good ones will be taken!
Moreover, for people looking to find a soul mate, time is working against them on three different fronts: 1) Spil wij get older, our vision of an ideal mate gets more narrowly defined, Two) Spil people proceed to pair off, the field of eligibles dwindles, and Trio) Every day you are fatter, uglier, and balder. You loser.
Dating sites act spil a filterzakje to weed out the unwanted guys/gals, and for this reason, online dating has become too convenient to overlook.
And on paper, it makes ideal sense. Because out at a tapkast, you might see 50 people of of the gender you’re into. Half of those will be taken, half of the remaining will be fugly, and half of the remaining very likely just won’t be very cool. That leaves 6.25 potential soul-mates, except half of those are gay, and the other half are way at the other side of the crowded brochure and chances are you won’t bump into them. The chances of meeting one of the truly fine ones ter existente life seems pretty snugger.
Come in online dating sites and apps, where you can literally sit at huis te your underwear and browse for The One. You don’t have to worry about who’s not single, and you can filterzakje out the ones who smoke, or who aren’t the same religion, or whatever your preference is. You can also learn a gepast amount about the person without even having the testicles to treatment him/hier. Wij do hear about success stories from time to time, but why not more?
To solve such a mystery, I determined to dive into the belly of the animal, and set up a profile. (What actually happened is that I had my heart violated, and determined to open up all avenues to pack the fresh, gaping slot te my emotional core). There wasgoed a time—not long ago—when I would say to people “if I’m everzwijn on one of those dating websites, that’s when I’ll know I need to reevaluate the choices I’ve made te life.” Well evidently those choices haven’t bot superb, because here I am, with my very own OKCupid profile. I chose OKCupid because I heard that’s the youthfull/hip/casual one. Plus, due to its geographically meaningful initials, if anything were to blossom with someone, wij could avoid embarrassment and tell people wij met ter OKlahoma City.
Amid the excitement and stress of perfecting my own profile into something that paints a pretty, yet unique, picture, I have managed to go on a handful of dates. Let mij tell you: they’ve all bot exceedingly promedio. I’m not telling I got NOTHING out of it (you know what I’m talking about ,-), but overheen thesis handful of dates, wij produced fewer sparks than you would attempting to commence a fire with two chunks of fruit.
Part of the blame has to go to mij, and part of the blame has to go to my dates. But I think there some problems with the entire concept. Here are my scorching hot takes on the matter:
· Everyone is the same. Yes, you’ve got access to a portal that opens the doorheen to thousands of options, but those options are remarkably similar. Sure, there’s a range of age and ethnicities. No complaints there. But ter my practice online, most chicks have strikingly similar thoughts on life. They all “love what this city has to suggest,” “enjoy being active,” and of course, without fail, they all “love to laugh.” Oh truly? You love laughing? I love to laugh too! How crazy is that. Earnestly, if you’re not a fan of laughing, then you’ve either had a horrific mouth/face accident (sorry), or you’re an alien doing a poor impression of a human. The amount of women that waterput up that phrase — seemingly spil a way to differentiate themselves — is mind-boggling.
· But who wouldn’t want to date someone who loves his/hier city, has an active lifestyle, and who loves to laugh? Doesn’t sound like a bad pool of applicants. But you know they all can’t be this ideal. You wouldn’t have stooped to this level if it were that effortless. So you commence picking nits. Views on reality television and speelgoedpop music are potentially joy debates to have, but instead people tend to gravitate towards people with whom they match with flawlessly. Or even more serious subjects like religion. I know I’ve eliminated people because they’re super into Godheid, but who knows — that could be a mistake.
· Here’s the fundamental problem of online dating: while it makes volmaakt sense on paper, te practice, it’s so coerced and awkward that it’s fated from the commence. Because here’s what you’re agreeing to: “We are going to meet at such-and-such place. At such-and-such time. And wij are going to talk.” What’s joy about that? It’s like a freakin job vraaggesprek. You exchange life-resumes, and then you’re looking at each other with nothing to talk about, and you’re wondering why. Your online exchanges were so funny and had such a nice flow to them. About that:
· It’s much lighter to be witty when writing a message, because you’ve got all the time ter the world to react. That meet-cute banter you had online/texting doesn’t necessarily translate to one-on-one conversation. The coetáneo date can end up being more awkward than your sitting position when a flight attendant makes you terugwedstrijd your seatback to its upright position.
· And speaking of being fated to fail from the beginning: You don’t want to commit your Friday or Saturday night to some potentially awkward stranger. And if you do, you’ll set the date up on the early side, leaving both parties the option of calling an audible midway through to go do something else. Because by 9 PM you’ll be wondering what joy activity you’re missing out on.
· Okay, so just set up the date for a schoolgebouw night. No one is doing anything joy anyway. But te this case, you both have work tomorrow. So you can “only have one or two drinks.” But extended flirtatious conversation usually requires a blood-alcohol level overheen the admitido limit. So when that ideal conversation fails to materialize, that bag of weed and the Spel of Thrones gig on your DVR begin to sound pretty amazing.
· Ultimately, ter an example of irony that even Alannis Morissette would be amazed with, online dating doesn’t work because online dating exists. Go after mij: the bachelor/ette pool is so large, and so lightly accessible, that it makes it too effortless to stir on. If things don’t go flawlessly on this date, who cares? You can just go huis and swipe right a few times, and you’ll have another date by the end of the week.
But I think we’re getting better at it. I know I certainly have, merienda I realized how low-stakes the entire operation is. Overheen time, my dates have gone from awkward to pretty joy, even if I know it’s ultimately not going to work out. What I do regret is never having one of those dates from hell, because now I’m writing about the concept of online dating, rather than a excellent story that emerged from it. Curse mij and my reasonable judgment!
Ultimately, I think relationships are like produce — best developed organically. No one wants to tell their kids, relatives, and friends that they met their significant other on a pc. But it is a flawlessly reasonable way to meet people, and there’s no reason not to attempt it. From a risk/prize perspective, it’s a no-brainer. But if you’re going to go for it, here’s my unsolicited advice:
· Avoid the traditional very first date of dinner, drinks, or coffee. Go to some event or place where you can people-watch and/or comment on the scenery around you. Or simply meet up at a party. Anywhere that avoids getting downright locked ter a two-person bubble.
· And don’t be afraid to commit a total night to it. Otherwise there’s incentive for it to fail.
· And get toasted, for pete’s sake. Pimple makes everything better.