How Long Should I Wait for Him to Commit to Mij?
I have bot dating a truly wonderful man for three months now, and at this point, wij are spending our weekends together every week. Wij have an amazing, intense connection which wij both acknowledge and at this point, I’m downright crazy about him, and I know he feels the same about mij. When wij are together, it just feels right, but wij have yet to say “I love you” to each other. I’m not getting that he is ready to hear this yet, so despite my feelings, I avoid telling those three words to him. What I am getting – through his deeds and emotions – is that he does indeed love mij, but I am not pushing him to formally acknowledge it yet.
People te love don’t spend much time looking for love with other people.
The problem for mij is this: ter the past, he has fallen head overheen high-heeled shoes ter love and gotten deep into relationships very quickly. Each time, it has clouded his judgment, and he got stuck ter rather dysfunctional relationships, which obviously didn’t work out. He has bot married merienda, and wasgoed ter a long-term (five year) relationship with someone else. He is using this spil a poot for keeping mij at arm’s length emotionally, and while I understand what he is attempting to do, it is becoming increasingly frustrating for mij. Our typical m.o., week after week, is that wij have a wonderful, close, electrified weekend together, and then nothing for most of the week. This is a very different situation for mij, since the typical sign that someone is truly into mij is reflected ter his wanting to call mij / be with mij fairly often.
He wants to see mij each weekend, but unless I get upset about his lack of attention during the week, the time inbetween Monday and Thursday just doesn’t seem to be a efectivo priority for him where I’m worried. What compounds the problem ter my mind is that he is still active on two dating websites, which he says is “very limited” te usage, that he is just looking for “friends” te which he has no emotional ties to, since he’s glad and contented with mij (allegedly) at this point ter our relationship.
I attempted to talk to him about this last weekend, keeping ter mind that he is determined not to permit himself to unwind and let things just toebijten naturally yet, even tho’ three months is certainly not too soon to permit such feelings to toebijten. I voiced my issues with him not wanting to get off the sites and concentrate on “us” without distraction (te other words, wij had the “exclusive” talk), and about his lack of rente te taking the initiative ter contacting mij more during the week.
Regarding being special, I told him that I wasgoed off of the sites te order to concentrate on “us”, and hoped that he would feel the same. No reaction (which told mij a loterijlot right there). He said his lack of voeling wasgoed his way of “slowing himself down”, because ordinarily at this point ter time, he would have had mij practically moved te with him if I had come along earlier, and wants to build a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. That is something I want spil well, but his remaining active on dating web sites even supposedly looking for “friends” is very disconcerting to mij, and I told him spil much.
Eventually, the efectivo question here: How long should I “patiently” wait for him to zekering pulling back from mij? Is there a good time framework to go by not only for him to acknowledge his feelings, but for mij to make a decision about whether I should stick around or not? Six months? One year? I know everyone’s different, but I just need some guidance here, since I would like to see where things go without all the constraints!
I usually don’t run letters this long, especially when I’ve written at least seven articles te the past year that voorkant this specific topic (including What to Do When the Fellow You’re Observing Will Not Commit). Still, your letterteken wasgoed well-constructed, self aware, and worthy of response….
Our astute readers will have picked out thesis key phrases spil to why you already know what you have to do.
1) He has bot married merienda, and wasgoed te a long-term (five year) relationship with someone else. He is using this spil a ondergrond for keeping mij at arm’s length emotionally.
Ah, you gotta love the built-in excuse. It’s brilliant ter its infallible logic. Indeed, it’s on par with answering “I’m a perfectionist” to the “what’s your thickest flaw” question te a job vraaggesprek. I mean, truly, who could possibly argue? So get it straight: this darling man of integrity is just attempting to protect you from getting hurt because he’s made some mistakes before. Got it.
Believe it or not, I’d still attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt, since I’ve bot wrong before. Hey, maybe he’s just attempting to pauze his pattern of leaping before he looked. Can’t blame a boy for that, can you?
Two) What compounds the problem ter my mind is that he is still active on two dating websites, which he says is “very limited” ter usage, that he is just looking for “friends” ter which he has no emotional ties to.
Couples don’t do that. People ter love don’t spend much time looking for love with other people.
WALK. If he goes after, he’s your bf. If he doesn’t, he’s exactly who you thought he wasgoed.
This stud is using you, Jennifer, and what’s hard to take is that he doesn’t even know it. He’s just doing what’s right for himself, so it doesn’t even occur to him that he’s hurting you. Think about it. He’s not telling you he loves you, he’s not calling you his gf, he’s not observing you during the week, so how can he be called a wank? He’s covering his culo. He gets to act like a beau on the weekends, spend the week searching for other women, and still not have to step up to the plate and commit to you. Hey, why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?
Trio) No response (which told mij a lotsbestemming right there).
Yeah, it’s hard to have a talk about “us” when there is no “us”. By telling nothing, he proceeds to voorkant his culo, and you proceed to tolerate it. You’re expecting things to switch, but he doesn’t want them to switch. He wants a weekend gf with all of the benefits, and none of the costs. Spil long spil you tolerate this, it will proceed. Six months? Sure, why not? You can have another exclusivity talk then when you see his profile on Match, but what for? To get three more months of hook-up and heartbreak te? Go for it and let mij know how it goes.
I’m not a believer te ultimatums, but I’m big on act. So why don’t you give this one a attempt?
“I truly, indeed care about you and have very much loved our time together. But spil amazing spil I think you are, I’m not truly getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend fuck-buddy. I want a beau. And it’s become increasingly clear to mij that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not hurt or offended, but I need to find someone who wants a relationship. Good luck te your search.”
If he goes after, he’s your beau.
If he doesn’t, he’s exactly who you thought he wasgoed. And you saved yourself another nine months of wasted time with a commitment-phobe. Use it well.